Love Is Not Enough
by literate.girl.x
Summary: The one thing that ties them together is the one thing that is keeping them apart.
1. Lines Crossed

_Summary: The one thing that ties them together is the one thing that is keeping them apart._

_A/N: Okay, wow, I have never ever been so nervous about posting a story before. Because somehow I have the feeling I might get severely bashed for this. So I'm warning you now, don't say I didn't, this story is rated M purely for the theme it is centered around. So maybe I've been watching 'Heroes' and 'Brothers and Sisters' a little too much, but basically, this is AU, Luke is Rory's real dad, Jess is sent to stay... yes this is a lit fic... connect the dots._

_Yep, bashed, stoned, mauled; I know it. But... just try to keep an open mind? Well at least don't leave bad reviews about it, if you don't like this sort of thing, then don't read it._

_Okay, deep breath, here we go..._

* * *

Chapter One

_Lines Crossed_

* * *

The earliest and only memory of him she had was in the waiting room of the hospital. She was five, too young, too innocent to understand the seriousness of the situation. All her mom had told her was that her Aunt Lizzy had taken some bad pills. The only pills Rory had ever been exposed to were the ones she had to take when she had colds or headaches. She was naive enough to come to the assumption that her Aunt just had a bad case of the flu. But something in his eyes had told her that he had been denied that youthful innocence; he had known exactly what was going on. She had grabbed his hand and held it in her own, because even though she couldn't understand the situation, she had understood that he was hurting. And they had sat like that until they had both fallen asleep. She had woken up the next morning on the way home in the car, her hand empty.

And then that was it, for almost twelve years. She had heard her parents talk of her Aunt and cousin occasionally, but she had never again come into contact with them. Until a few months ago, for Jess, that is. Liz had finally lost the plot completely, and she definitely couldn't handle the rebel that was her son, so she had packed his bags and sent him on a bus to Stars Hollow.

He had arrived more angry and troubled then she remembered, but he still had that same look in his eyes; the look that told her he had been exposed to the bad in this world more times than he should have. They had clicked easily, both sharing a love for reading (him also having a love for stealing her books), but the rest of the town hadn't taken to him quite so well. He had earned his name as the town hoodlum within the first two weeks of his stay, becoming well known for his elaborate pranks. She had tried to discourage him of course, but deep down he knew they made her laugh. But after a while his pranks became fewer. Maybe it was because for the first time he now had someone he could talk to. They discussed, debated, argued, mainly about books and writers, and sometimes about everyday things. They had never really touched on anything too serious, but that was okay, they just enjoyed each others company, on their bridge, in the diner, or just relaxing in her room reading together. Everybody agreed they had never seen two cousins so close... and then it happened.

The first time she had been watching a movie with Lorelai, Luke having already gone to bed to get up early for the diner. Jess had come home late, books in hand and plonked himself on the other side of the couch. Lorelai had yawned, saying she had to be at the inn early the next day to greet the Japanese guests, and had left for bed. Rory had then scooted over and rested her head tiredly on Jess' shoulder, which was not unusual for them, and he had instinctively wrapped his arm around her, and slouched back into the couch. After about five minutes of watching the movie, Jess had come to the conclusion that it was too bad to even be mocked, and had settled for reading one of his books whilst Rory pouted at him for having bad taste, and continued to watch the movie.

She had awoken when he had shaken her lightly, "Rory, you're asleep."

"I _was_," she had mumbled grumpily.

"Can't fall asleep on my couch, remember? Though it might be hard for some people to believe I'm not slinking around the streets knocking over a liquor store, I do need a place to sleep too."

"No talk, sleep."

Jess had rolled his eyes, grabbed a hold of her arms and made to pull her up. But she had caught him off guard, and had made a move to lay down at the same time, which had resulted in him being pulled down on top of her. The breath was knocked out of her as his full weight had landed on her and suddenly she was wide awake. They had stayed like that for a moment, staring at each other, eyes wide, unable to move. Until-

"Um, Jess-"

"Sorry," he had muttered quickly, jumping off of her, and pulling her up too. In his embarrassment, however, he must have over judged, and had pulled her right into him. She stood against him for a moment, breathless, and then, without giving her body permission, she was kissing him. He had been shocked at first, but then he had brought his hand to her cheek and kissed her earnestly back. His other hand wound around her waist, pulling her closer up against him. She had never known a kiss could feel so good, so... right. But too soon she had pulled away, her hand on her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, because it had finally hit her that it was so... wrong.

Jess searched her eyes, finding only hurt and confusion, and then she had darted past him and into her room, the door clicking shut behind her.

The next day they had pretended nothing happened.

The second time had been only a couple of days ago on her birthday. He had handed over her present after school whilst they were both sitting on the floor leaning against her bed. They were reading together as they normally did in the afternoons.

"Jess, you didn't have to-"

"I wanted to," he shrugged, "C'mon, open it. I think you'll like it."

Rory smiled, her eyes beginning to water. Not because Jess had brought her a present, but because Jess, who never put any effort into anything, not even school work, had put effort into going out and finding something that she would like, and had then taken the time to actually wrap it up for her.

"The store offered to wrap it," Jess added, as if reading her mind.

Rory laughed lightly, not believing him for a second. "Thanks Jess."

And then she had leant in to give him a quick, happy kiss on the cheek. But he had turned his head in the last moment and caught her lips instead. She had pulled away sooner that time, so soon his lips were still parted. He had opened his eyes to see her staring down at the present sadly.

"Don't get too emotional, you haven't opened it yet," he had said, in perfect denial that she had just pulled away from the kiss that shouldn't have even happened.

"Jess," she had said, looking up sadly, "We can't-"

He had nodded in understanding, almost looking hurt for a moment, "It's okay, I get it. Happy Birthday, cous."

Rory tossed in her bed, trying to let sleep claim her. But all she could think of was those three little words. _Happy Birthday, cous_. They sounded simple enough, sure, but the meaning that lay beneath the surface was so much more. It was an agreement, unspoken, that nothing like that would ever happen again. They were cousins. They could never be anything more. She heaved a sigh, pulling her pillow closer to her, because that was it; they were cousins. Family. Blood. So why did she want to feel him; be close to him in a way that was so obviously not cousinly. Why did she want to kiss him like she had never kissed Dean; _be _with him like she had never been with Dean. She knew it was wrong, and she couldn't help it, he was the plague and he was slowly taking over.

He could see the dull light seeping through the small gap between the bottom of her door. Could she not sleep, too? He seriously doubted that she was feeling what he was feeling, because it felt like too much, too much to fucking deal with. But maybe she felt... something. She had kissed him, and he had kissed her. The eagerness which she had reciprocated had been there for her too, he was sure of it. But the fact that she might (maybe) have felt it didn't stop it from being wrong... oh so wrong. But he couldn't help it, she was the ocean and he was slowly drowning.

He could hear the sound of her breathing, and he clamped his eyes closed in the hope that the noises in his head would go away.

"Jess..."

It had sounded shaky, helpless, so _real_.

Go away, go away, go away. Everything about her was slowly talking over his mind. He could almost hear - wait.

"Rory?"

A single tear slipped down her cheek and she smiled weakly. "Couldn't sleep," she mumbled, looking down at the floor ashamedly and hugging her arms around her.

Like he had so many times before, he moved over, leaving a space for her to curl up beside him, his arm wrapping around her and holding her close. The smell of him instantly calmed her, and she slipped into dreams where none of it mattered.

He lay awake, knowing they had crossed this line that was slowly fading a long time ago.

* * *

_A/N: (cringes), please don't be too harsh...  
_


	2. Is This Real?

_A/N: I was seriously preparing for the literati community to plot a stake out at my house or something, but either people were being polite and listened to my request not to leave a bad review if they don't like the whole incestuous thing, or people just generally like the story. Either way, here's another chapter for you all. Hope you like it :)_

* * *

Chapter Two

_Is This Real?  
_

* * *

Hands. Skin. Lips. She wanted him everywhere. Her fingers were throbbing, pleading to be allowed just one touch. He leant in slowly, cautiously, and her pulse quickened. His scent was comforting, and so exhilarating at the same time. Mere inches away, a smirk, and he was so close now-

"Rory!"

"Hm?" Rory looked up, flustered.

Dean looked at her expectantly, "Well?"

"Uh..."

"Blue or Red?"

"Uh... red," she stuttered quickly.

"Red?"

"... Blue!" she stammered, glancing to the side.

He looked at her confusedly for a moment, and she held her breath. But then he grinned, "Yeah, I thought you'd choose blue. And you're sure Lorelai will be okay with it?"

"Uh, sure... Why? Should she not be okay with it?" Rory asked, not having the slightest idea what he was talking about and hoping he would repeat it.

"Rory, are you feeling okay?" Dean asked, looking at her with concern.

"I'm okay... better than okay, actually... I'm great! Not the Webster dictionary sense of the word, because that would be... You know, I think peachy just about covers it."

"Your peachy?"

"Very."

"Okay...?"

Rory's mind began to wander again as they walked in silence for a moment. And then Dean turned to her, "So, hey, I was thinking after we got that book you wanted you could come back to my place for dinner. My mom's making roast, and I know how much you love roast."

"Oh... well... actually, now that you mention it, I ate this day old egg roll for lunch today, and I don't think I'm feeling too good."

"Oh," he said, slightly disappointed, "Well, I'll walk you home then."

"It's okay, really, it's not very far," she said, wanting to get home as quickly as possible.

"Which is why it's not too much trouble for me to walk you," he pressed.

Rory sighed, giving in. "Sure," she half smiled, and he wrapped his arm around her, turning them in the opposite direction towards her house.

"So you'll call me tonight?" Dean asked, once they were at her door.

"Sure," she nodded, hugging her arms in front of her and staring at the floor.

"Okay... well," he leant in to kiss her, but was interrupted by something.

"Jess..." Rory breathed, suddenly rooted to the spot.

"Sorry to interrupt, but you're having you're here to eternity moment right in front of the door."

Dean clenched his jaw. Jess smiled at him mockingly.

Rory blushed. "Sorry," she said stepping aside to let him past. He glanced at her as he did and she felt herself shiver.

"I really don't like him," Dean stated as the door clicked shut.

"I know," Rory sighed, not having the energy to fight him on it. She gave him a half smile and he leant in to kiss her. It felt awkward, unexciting, bland. She pulled away quickly.

"I'll talk to you later," Dean smiled, oblivious, before turning to jump down the porch steps.

Rory shut the door behind her, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against it. When had she become like this? The bad girlfriend; the one who cheats. She had cheated on her boyfriend, she had kissed someone who wasn't her boyfriend, and for what? They couldn't be together, ever. So why couldn't she stop her mind from dwelling on him whenever they were apart?

"Trying to send out brain signals?"

Rory jumped at the sound of his voice. "I was, uh... just... thinking."

Jess nodded silently. Rory suddenly noticed how small the hallway was.

"So you and Dean... still together, huh?" he sounded casual, but his chest was constricting at the thought.

Rory stared at him, her eyes pleading, for what she wasn't exactly sure.

He stared back with intensity, waiting.

"I... I dunno..." she said defensively, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

Jess moved forward forcefully, "C'mon Rory, it's a simple question."

It was so unfair, she thought, that he could get so close to her and be completely unaffected. She was having a hard time standing. Jess raised his brows at her impatiently, and she took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm still with Dean."

Jess nodded, his jaw clenching tight. There was his answer. What had happened between them had meant nothing to her at all. Without another word, he grabbed his jacket again and slammed the door behind him.

Rory glanced across at her reflection, and for the first time she wanted to throw something at it, shatter it into a thousand pieces. She wanted it all to stop, because she was so confused. She was supposed to love her boyfriend and her cousin in different ways. She did. But not the way she was supposed to.

"Rory!" Her mom called excitedly from upstairs, giggling madly. "Come, quick!"

Rory heard the sound of snorting pigs before brushing her hair out of her face and wiping at her eyes. She plastered an excited smile on her face as she ran up the stairs toward it.

x x x x

She thought she should be used to the lack of sleep by now. But she was still turning, frustrated, trying to close her eyes, block out all of the thoughts of him. It was impossible. She sighed, giving in, and rolled on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Had she really felt it? Her brows furrowed as she tried to pull it from her memory. Had she built it up in her own mind? He was her cousin, it wasn't like that, it wasn't, couldn't, no she knew it wasn't. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she got up slowly, quietly to her feet. It wouldn't...

She curled up beside him, and as soon as she breathed him in she felt safe. But that was okay, it wasn't strange at all. He was her cousin and he would protect her from anything. She was right to feel safe around him. It meant nothing more. She lightly traced her fingertips against his chest, feeling the warmth beneath his shirt, and he stirred at the touch. Her heart thumped excitedly, had he felt that? She shook her head. That was a stray thought; it didn't count. She bit her lip, moving in closer. She felt like she was trembling with giddiness - no, she was just nervous because she was about to find out...

Her lips touched his. They were softer than she remembered, and her heart was racing... it was nerves, just nerves. But then... his lips began to move against hers, and everything exploded. She began to deepen the kiss, every last ounce of longing and lust she had felt in the last few months leaking away from her lips to his, and he more than eagerly reciprocated. She couldn't even remember... what... where... huh?

Oh, no.

She tried to pull away, but he wasn't letting go this time. He began to sit up with her, but she finally managed to pull free. His pupils were dilated, filled with sleep and lust, and he looked at her with confusion... and a hint of anger.

"I was just..." she tried to explain, "I just needed to see-"

He sighed sadly, "Don't worry, Rory. Nothing happened."

She nodded, "I know."

She smiled sadly and made her way back to her room. It was an agreement. Tomorrow, when they woke up, it would be like nothing had happened.

* * *

_A/N: Don't forget to review :)  
_


	3. All That's Left Is An Open Space

_Summary: The one thing that ties them together is the one thing that is keeping them apart._

_A/N: Thank-you everyone for the great reviews, without you reviewers, there would be no story. **Meredith-Grey**, your reviews are always so encouraging, they make me smile, and **HelloSunshine89** your comment made me laugh 'You sold kissing cousins! That's hard'. Anyway sorry that I've kept you all waiting for this chapter, I've been busy with school work and personal stuff and what not but here it is and I hope you like it._

_Disclaimer: I forgot to put one in the last two chapters, but we all know how it goes..._

* * *

Chapter Three

_All That's Left Is An Open Space_

* * *

Rory sat staring at her pancakes, occasionally stabbing the soft, fluffy texture with her fork. Her throat felt thick, like she couldn't swallow. It was all she could do to not glance to her left. For glancing into the lounge for the seventh time was bound to be noticed by someone, and she really was not in the mood to be questioned about why she was staring into the lounge like the lamp might lunge out and attack her. Instead she focused on the indents her fork was slowly making, like making little air vents. If only she were a big flat pancake and someone were giving _her_ little air vents, because right now she felt like she couldn't breathe. And maybe the pain of being punctured over and over again might take her mind off of the other kinds of pain.

"Rory, hon, you okay?"

"Hm?" Rory glanced up at her mother's concerned face.

"You seem like you have something on your mind."

"Nope," Rory replied, giving a half hearted smile.

"I think the pancake would agree with me if it weren't afraid of being stabbed to death."

"Oh," Rory said dumbly, putting down her fork and frowning at her food.

Lorelai let out a small chuckle at how literally her daughter took her words, but then her face grew serious as Rory remained silent, "Rory, are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

Rory sighed, knowing that she wouldn't be able to fool Lorelai into believing there was nothing wrong, so instead, "I'm fine, really," she insisted, "Just worried about my Spanish mid-term, that's all."

"Oh," Lorelai said, but she frowned, wanting to say more.

"Double choc chip pancakes, hope you enjoy your heart attack," Luke said, adding another bunch of pancakes to the already large pile in front of them. Rory was thankful for the distraction, not wanting to talk about her mood anymore.

"My husband," Lorelai smiled to Rory, "always so caring."

"I try," Luke said, leaning over to kiss Lorelai on the cheek. "You coming to the diner tonight?" he asked.

"Can't, Michel's off this afternoon to go to some dog pageant with his pooches, and apparently that's a reason to leave early, so I have to work late."

"Okay, I'll bring home some dinner."

"My angel," Lorelai smiled.

He gave her a smile as he turned to leave. "Bye Rory, don't worry you'll do fine," he said, referring to her make believe Spanish mid-term.

She looked up from her food, "Oh... yeah, bye dad."

He gave her a pat on the shoulder before making his way out. She continued to frown at her pancake, feeling her mother's eyes on her.

"Okay, Miss Pancakes-have-feelings-too. Speak. You never get this upset over a mid-term. Paris, yes, but not a Spanish mid-term that you would be able to ace in your sleep."

Rory looked up, ready to spin another lie, when she saw something in the corner of her eye. Her stomach flipped and her throat felt thick again as she turned to see Jess enter. She tried to speak, but she felt her throat was too dry, instead letting out an incoherent gurgle.

"Morning, Jess. Luke made pancakes," Lorelai smiled.

"No thanks," he said bluntly, heading straight for the fridge.

Lorelai frowned, "Seriously, am I the only one who hasn't been bitten by the grumpy bug this morning?"

Lorelai looked at Rory for a reaction, but found none. Suddenly her face softened. "Oh, hon, did you and Dean have a thing?" Lorelai asked carefully.

Jess slammed the fridge door closed louder than normal, his jaw clenching tight as he left with a small bottle of orange juice. Rory felt a pull in her chest as she watched him leave. After a few moments, she turned to her mom.

"You know, I just remembered I have to meet Paris this morning. Bye mom," she said, grabbing her bag and making a quick exit.

"Uh... bye?" Lorelai said, staring after her in confusion.

Rory raced down the porch steps, looking for him, but she was too late, he was already gone. She swallowed hard as she felt the all familiar feeling of her heart sinking. He was mad. He was mad at _her_. And she didn't know what to do or say to make it better. She wanted to talk to him, for things to be like they were before all of this. She wanted him to be her cousin again, and her heart sank again at that thought. With a soft, inaudible sigh, she turned to make her way to her bus, not caring that she was an hour early.

x x x x

"So then I said, 'hey pal, look it up, it does not go against the school constitution to exceed the word length suggestion by a couple of pages'. I bet he was just bummed he had to miss quality time with the rest of the 'Brady Bunch' in order to meet the extra marking requirements of my paper. But after I reminded him just how important his job was to him, he had no choice but to remark my paper. I mean, you can't expect people to stick to the word limit when you give out a paper on the political ramifications of..."

Rory let Paris' voice zone in and out, not really having the energy to pay attention, not having the energy to make any comments. She sighed. She was feeling a lot like that these days."

"...And anyway, what is the matter with you?"

"Hm?" Rory looked up, "Who me?"

"Yeah, 'Woody', you. You're acting like someone just ran over your puppy or something."

"I don't have a puppy," Rory said, eyes wide.

"Whatever, my locker's this way."

x x x x

"What about yours Rory?"

"Ah... what?" Had she really zoned out again?

"Well we've all been there before, so we know how to get there, and your mom seemed pretty cool with it the last time we were there... well... before me and Louise ran off with those guys at the concert."

Rory stared dumbly, not knowing what was going on.

Paris sighed, frustrated. "We need a place to get together for the group assignment. My house is out, obviously, Madeline is remodelling, and unless we want to join a bunch of college idiots dancing around in their underwear, Louise's place is out to."

Louise gave Madeline a sly grin and whispered, "The up-side of having an older brother."

Paris looked at Rory pointedly.

"Oh... uh... sure. My house is okay, I guess. Well my mom is working late tonight so there won't be anyone home, but-"

"Great, so we'll all take a left-turn at the haystack this afternoon," Paris said as they all got up from their chairs as the teacher dismissed everyone, "Everyone bring your ideas and don't be late."

Rory sighed. Great, now she had to listen to Paris boss everyone around whilst Madeline and Louise talked endlessly about boys and other things she didn't want to know about for another few hours this afternoon. This day just kept getting worse.

x x x x

"Okay, so Madeline will take the introduction, Rory you can-"

"Does your mom work late often?" Louise asked Rory, cutting over Paris.

"Um, sort of I guess. She runs an inn so sometimes she has to stay back to make sure everything gets done."

"And your dad always works late too?"

"Well, yeah, he runs a diner, so it gets pretty late before he closes up for the night. Me and mom sometimes go there for dinner, but-"

"That is so cool," Louise smirked, "You could have people over, or stay out after curfew and they wouldn't even know it."

"Great. Now that that very important discussion is out of our systems, can we concentrate on more important things, like, oh gee, I don't know, our _assignment_," Paris said, her frustration growing.

"Oh, sorry Rory, I think I was sitting on your shirt," Madeline said, holding out a black 'Nirvana' shirt.

But before Rory could take it in, Louise had grabbed it. "Who's is this," she said with a wide grin, "I didn't know you had a brother."

"Oh... it's my cousin's," Rory said, tensing as she said the word 'cousin'.

"Is he hot?" Madeline asked hopefully.

Louise laughed, her grin looking rather sly, "Of course he is, with those blue eyes you and your mom have, he must be a babe."

Rory couldn't put a finger on how she was feeling having Madeline and Louise talk about Jess like that. She felt almost like they were ripping something right out of her fingertips. Something she didn't want to share. And the fact that he was her cousin and she shouldn't be feeling like this was even worse.

"Actually he's on my dad's side," she said with a slight edge.

Louise winked, "Even better."

Rory felt something between anger and pure panic. She grabbed the shirt folding it tentatively in her hands. "I'm with Paris. What part am I doing again?"

x x x x

After two and a half hours of Paris, Madeline and Louise, Rory was exhausted. And, with Madeline and Louise continuously bringing up Jess, they still hadn't gotten all the work done, so she had another two and a half hours with them tomorrow afternoon to look forward to. She sighed, flipping aimlessly through the channels. She really wanted to talk to Jess. He had never really been mad at her before. He was avoiding her, and she hated it because she needed him. She had never gone so long without talking to him before. She heard the door open and she froze.

"Hey, hon. Is your dad home yet?"

Rory let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Yeah, he went to bed a while ago."

"Oh, good, I didn't want another confrontation about me having dinner at Al's. Luke says he serves his fries with a side of fat, I say your dad can take a tip," she smirked. "Well, I'm off to bed. Night sweets, don't watch so much TV that your brain fries, I like that I have a smart offspring."

"Night, mom."

Rory sighed, looking at the clock. Eleven o'clock and he still wasn't back. She flipped through the channels again, settling on a re-run of 'The two fat ladies' as she laid her head down softly on his pillow, letting his scent calm her as her eyes began to droop sleepily.

x x x x

Rory distantly heard the sound of a page turning, and her eyes fluttered open, a small smile spreading involuntarily on her face as her eyes fell upon Jess sitting with his back against the wall. But then everything came back to her and her heart fell, her smile following soon after.

"You're back."

Jess glanced up from his book, resting it on the floor beside him. "Your awake," he stated in return.

"Sorry," she said, glancing down at herself, "I didn't mean to fall asleep on your couch."

"It's not my couch," he shrugged.

"Why didn't you wake me?" She asked, beginning to sit up.

"I figured you would wake up eventually."

She felt slightly hurt and she didn't know why. "You normally wake me," she stated softly, more to herself than to him.

He didn't say anything, his eyes simply drifted over her tiredly, taking her in. He looked exhausted.

With all the courage she could muster, she gathered a shaky breath, "You don't even want to touch me anymore."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement; her worst fear come to life. Her eyes pleaded into his, begging for him to tell her she was somehow mistaken.

He didn't answer.

A tear slipped down her cheek, and he tensed, wanting to take her in his arms and get rid of the pain that he had caused. Instead he stayed rooted to the spot.

She wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to pull herself together. She didn't want to cry in front of him, not like she used to. He wasn't her cousin anymore,_ her_ Jess that would pull her into his chest before the very first tear even fell, like he somehow knew.

He stared at her falling apart, and it was everything he could do to ignore his instincts and stay where he was.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to hold back her tears, "I'm a mess, I didn't mean to put this on you."

She got up from the couch, wiping at her face furiously as she left him behind. And it was _everything_ he could do to stand by and watch her go.


	4. Feels Like Hope

_Summary: The one thing that ties them together is the one thing that is keeping them apart._

_Disclaimer: Nope don't own the show. Don't own the characters. But incestuous Jess and Rory are all mine! mine! mine! mine! haha just kidding :) I just sounded like a very jealous-over-jess rory_ ;)

* * *

Chapter Four

_Feels Like Hope_

* * *

_"Why didn't you wake me?"_

"Okay, so if we even want a chance at taking down the enemy, we are going to need to push our WPM's to at least 175."

_"I figured you would wake up eventually."_

"But I thought this was a friendly debate?" Madeline asked Paris, her eyebrows scrunched up and head tilted to the side in confusion.

"Sure. I don't know what I was thinking," Paris began, "Why not skip the debate altogether and sit around discussing the latest sock hops and clamb bakes. I'm sure Harvard would love that."

_"You don't even want to touch me anymore."_

"Wait... you were joking right?"

Paris rolled her eyes.

_"You don't even want to touch me anymore."_

Louise sighed, flopping back against the couch and twisting her pencil around in her fingers, "Okay, I'm officially bored."

"Well that's great, Louise. Hey, I have an idea. Let's just drop the debate, it's only, what... twenty percent of our final scores? Because, heck, we've all got better things to do."

Louise smirked, "I know I do. Speaking of which. Rory, you never did say when your cousin was getting home."

_"You don't even want to-"_

"What?" Rory started, shaken back to the present.

"You haven't even told us much about him."

"Oh. Well... there's not really that much to say," Rory mumbled, then quickly changing the subject, "Um, so is there anything else that needs work, Paris?"

"You didn't mention he had a girlfriend," Louise said, leaning forward with a smirk.

"I think we're using the word 'ubiquitous' too much," Rory stated, seemingly absorbed in the script, ignoring Louise's comment.

Paris pondered for a moment, scrunching her brows together. "You're right," she said, "we don't want to sound repetitive."

Before Rory could object, Paris grabbed the papers out of her hands and began to scribble over them furiously.

"Do you think he goes for blondes?" Louise asked, twisting her hair.

Rory turned to Louise, her frustration growing. "I think he's more into the brainy type. You know, well read, opinionated."

"Well, I guess we'll see about that," Louise smirked, kinking her eyebrows.

Rory wanted to scowl at her, the low burn in her chest swelling. She wanted so desperately to scream at Louise to keep her un-brainy, blonde hands off of him. That he was _hers_, all hers.

But a cousin wouldn't do that. And he was not her's, not even close.

She felt herself sink, a desperation she had never known tugging at her insides. There was nothing she could do. There wasn't a single guy at Chilton that Louise couldn't have her way with if she wanted to. What was to stop her doing so with Jess.

"Okay, so I added another few sentences in the introduction, as well as a paragraph in the body and conclusion. So we'll need to up our WPM's to at least 190 to get it all under twenty minutes," Paris announced, breaking the silence and placing the edited script on the coffee table.

Just then the front door opened and Jess entered, shoving a paperback in his back pocket. Rory's breath caught in her throat and her heartbeat quickened. Jess looked up and stopped in his tracks, finally noticing that there were four girls currently occupying his 'bedroom' as such. His eyes drifted over them all, and then landed on Rory, lingering for more than a moment. She averted her gaze, a painful throb in her chest reminding her of his rejection the previous night.

_"You don't even want to touch me anymore."_

Rory held her breath, holding back her tears, his expression pained as she avoided his eyes.

"Well, well, well," Louise smirked, stepping up from the couch and making her way over to him, "If it isn't Jess Mariano."

Jess shifted his gaze to Louise, his brows furrowing for a moment. She eyed him over like a piece of meat, wondering where to start. Jess despised being looked at like that.

"Rory told us all about you, I feel like I know you already," she grinned in a chesire cat sort of way.

Jess threw a quick glare at Rory.

"Actually you talked about Jess whilst I tried to help Paris with the assignment," Rory corrected, glaring at her now.

"It's true," Paris added, "infact, I would say Rory was rather evasive about you. Touchy even."

Rory blushed, panic setting in. Had it been that obvious? Did Paris know? She couldn't possibly know? What would she say knowing that they were cousins?

Louise shrugged. "Well, I guess I will have to _get_ to know you then," she said, taking a step closer to him as she ran her finger down his chest. The fire in Rory's chest was ablaze now, threatening to burst though her ribs. Jess didn't step back from the touch, he simply eyed her, showing no reaction.

Rory stood up quickly, gathering the papers, "Okay, well we were pretty much done here anyway, so..."

"But we haven't practiced our WPM!" Paris began to panic.

"Well..." Rory began, desperately wanting to get Louise away from Jess, "we can practice at home. And then we'll practice it once more together at school on Monday."

Paris eyed Rory for a moment, unsure. "Okay," she said after a moment, "but don't think I won't be timing you!"

Paris started grabbing her things, making her way to the door. "Well?" she called to Madeline and Louise after a moment, "I haven't got all day."

"Oh right," Madeline said, getting to her feet and collecting her stuff. "Bye ,Rory. Bye ,Jess," she said as she passed.

Louise gave Jess one last glance over, before reaching into her pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper and trying to slip it into the front pocket of his jeans. That was when Jess took a step back, taking the piece of paper from her hand himself. "I guess I will be seeing you," she smirked to Jess. "Bye, Rory."

Louise made sure to get as much of her body in contact with Jess' as humanly possible as she slid past him to the door, and he stared after her as she left, his brows still slightly furrowed, but otherwise looking un-phased. When the door clicked shut he turned back to Rory. "Friends of yours?" he chuckled.

Rory let out a small laugh, relaxing a little as she dropped back into the couch. Jess followed, after a moment dropping down beside her. Rory was about to lean into him when everything came back to her after a moments loss.

_"You don't even want to touch me anymore."_

So instead she sat painfully still, keeping her distance.

"Sorry about Louise, she's just... well... Louise," Rory said, letting out a nervous laugh. Jess simply nodded, not failing to notice the distance she was keeping from him.

Rory gathered in a shaky breath, "But you didn't... I mean... you don't-"

Jess shrugged. "She seems okay," he replied nonchalantly, slipping the folded paper into his pocket and resting back against the couch.

Rory tried to look unaffected by his words. "...Oh," she struggled to say, biting her liip and nodding her head.

"How's Dean?" he asked, his eyes burning into hers.

Rory looked away. "I don't know. I'm not sure," she answered honestly.

He nodded silently again, then leaning his head slightly to her side. "She's not really my type."

Rory looked back at him. "Oh?" she asked, not able to hide that she sounded much happier than before.

Jess just smirked at her and she leant in, resting her head on his shoulder. Jess sighed to himself sadly, but then, giving in, wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. Rory let his scent calm her, drifting off peacefully. Jess sat awake, knowing that this was too close.

x x x x

Rory sat staring at her grandmother's portrait, still feeling drowsy from before. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but there was something about having Jess right next to her - breathing him in - that made her feel warm and safe. She could feel the warmth of his knee against hers as they all sat, waiting for her grandparents, and she yawned, wanting so badly to just curl into his side and feel his arms pulling her close.

"Hello Rory," her grandmother crooned, startling her from her thoughts, "Lorelai, Lucas." Emily's eyes then moved to Jess, "Jess," she said with an overly forced smile and cheerful tone, "you're still here I see."

"Still kicking and breathing, ma'am."

Emily had to purse her lips to keep from slapping what she considered that rude mouth of his. "Richard, they're here," she called.

"Oh, Lorelai, Rory," Richard greeted, walking into the living room with a folded up newspaper, "Good evening Luke, and... Jess, you're still here?"

Rory glanced at Jess through the corner of her eye, and he smirked at her. This was the weekly routine, one that Jess had become accustomed to. Of course he was used to not particularly being wanted, so it had not been all that difficult for him to adjust. Rory tried to give him a sympathetic and encouraging smile.

Emily clasped her hands together, "May I offer anyone a dr-"

"The dinner is ready now, Miss Gilmore."

Emily frowned, looking to the new maid. "Mayja, what time did I tell you dinner was served?"

"Why you told me seven o'clock on the dot, ma'am."

Rory and Jess stole another glance.

"And what time is it now, Mayja?"

Mayja glanced at her watch, "Seven o'clock on the dot, ma'am."

"And did you perhaps check the clock in the kitchen and dining room, considering you're watch seems to have been purchased from Walman's and therefore may not be entirely reliable?"

"Why no ma'am I didn't."

"Mayja would you please look at the clock on the mantle and tell me what time it is?"

"... Oh. I apologise ma'am... but the dinner is ready now," she said in a soft little voice.

Emily rolled her eyes, sighing, "Okay, well then, I guess we are having dinner now."

x x x x

"So Rory, tell me, do you have anything special planned for your spring break?"

Rory looked up at her grandmother, swallowing her pork, "Oh, well I haven't really got anything special planned. I will probably just stay at home mostly, catch up with my reading or hang out with Lane."

Emily glanced over at Richard who was mirroring her excited grin, "Well, during the spring holidays you're grandfather and I usually take our yearly trip to our penthouse in Italy, only this year the Carmichael's invited us to stay with them in their beautiful holiday home in the Philippines, so... you're grandfather and I were thinking it might be nice for you to stay there instead."

There was a small pause.

"Okay, mom, what's the catch?" Lorelai asked bluntly, knowing better then to take free favours from her mother.

"Why there is no catch, Lorelai. I simply wanted to do something nice for my granddaughter and thought it would be nice for you and Luke to have some time alone, that is all," she insisted.

"Uh-huh," Lorelai answered sceptically, "So there is no blue eyed, blonde haired pool boy waiting to whisk her away to his mansion in Greece and impregnate her with little Greek babies?"

"Honestly Lorelai, is it so wrong for a grandmother to dote on her granddaughter?"

"It's okay," Rory interrupted before a full scale fight broke out, "Italy sounds wonderful grandma, it would be a great experience I might be able to use in my writing one day. Thank-you grandma, grandpa."

"You are most welcome, Rory. After all the hard work you put in at Chilton and for the paper, you deserve a little break," Richard smiled.

"I'm coming with you," Lorelai suddenly spoke up, still smelling something fishy.

"Honestly, Lorelai, if it makes you feel any better she could bring Lane along. Or even Dean, that might be nice for the two of you."

Rory felt Jess tense beside her, his grip tightening on his fork.

"Sure, mom. Why don't we send a teenage girl and her boyfriend away across the country together unsupervised. Are you forgetting what happened to your own daughter at sixteen?"

"Mom!" Rory blushed.

"It was just a thought Lorelai."

"She could take Jess," Luke shrugged. When there was no response, he looked up from his food wondering if he had said something wrong. He was always so bad at these dinners, not really being able to keep up with the upper class conversation.

Emily gave him a small fake smile. "Well, we'll see," she half shrugged, going back to her meal.

Rory's head was spinning, trying to keep up. Italy would be wonderful, like she had said. There would be beautiful views, great opportunities, experience. It was too good to miss. And then there was the thought of Jess and her in Italy. Alone. The thought was intoxicating, sending her mind reeling and her pulse racing. Jess and her in Italy would be a very bad idea, she finally decided.

"I guess I could take Lane," she announced, staring at the table. She couldn't bring herself to look up to see the hurt in Jess' eyes.

"Wonderful," Emily grinned, "I'll book you're flight first thing tomorrow!"

x x x x

Their car pulled up in the driveway and Jess was the first to get out. "I'm gonna take a walk. Don't wait up," he called over his shoulder as he began to walk briskly away.

"I'm gonna go too," Rory quickly decided. "We'll be back soon," she added.

Lorelai glanced at Jess' retreating figure, frowning for a moment, but then turned back to Rory. "Okay, hon. Don't be too long."

Rory nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear and then ran to catch up with Jess. "Jess, wait! Jess... wait."

Rory finally caught up, walking quickly to keep up with him. And they walked in silence until they reached the bridge.

"Jess... wait," she said again, having to grab his arm to stop him. She ignored the tiny pinpricks that were shooting through her fingertips and up her arm.

"What?" he asked, his jaw clenched.

"Please don't be mad," she said, feeling hurt. She let go of his arm and took a step back, wrapping her arms around her middle protectively.

Jess' eyes softened. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not mad at you," he told her truthfully.

"I can't take you with me to Italy... I want to, I do... but... I think we both know why that isn't such a good idea." She swallowed, feeling suddenly very nervous. It was the first time either of them had mentioned what there was between them out loud.

Jess nodded silently.

"Because of what might happen," Rory added, looking at him for a reaction.

There was a short pause, and then, "So what if it does?"

"What?" Rory asked breathlessly, caught off guard.

"So what if it does," he repeated, looking at her with so much intensity she could feel the burn smouldering inside of her. "No one would ever have to know."

Rory's heart was thumping with such ferocity; she was surprised Jess couldn't seem to hear it. "You mean-"

But before Rory could finish the sentence, Jess let out a groan, turning away and running his hands through his hair. "This is _so_ fucked up!" he groaned again, tilting his head back to look at the sky, as if it were the stars that were playing this cruel joke on them.

Rory looked down at her shoes, her arms still wrapped tightly around her, guarding her from the slight breeze. "I know," she agreed in a whisper. How could it not be fucked up? Rory thought to herself. She was standing here with her _cousin_ who gave her pin pricks with the most innocent of touches, disgussing the possiblity of being together in a way that was certainly not cousinly.

After a moment he let out a breath, sitting himself on the edge of the bridge. Rory hesitated, but followed suit, sitting beside him just far enough away so that they weren't touching. And they sat in silence for a long while, staring at the mocking array of stars in the perfectly serene reflection.

It took Rory only a moment. But in that one moment she had made up her mind. And there was no going back.

She glanced up at him, taking a breath. "Jess, do you... would you like to come to Italy with me?"

Jess' eyes met hers and he held her gaze, "If you want me to-"

"I do," she said sincerely, a little out of breath.

Still holding her gaze, he nodded. "Okay," he said.

"Okay." It was agreed. No going back. "So... we should probably get back."

Jess nodded. "Yeah. C'mon," he said, standing up and holding his hand out for her.

_No going back._

* * *

_AN: Okay, so you might have noticed that I changed the rating for this story, and that is because it didn't seem to fit it's rating as it is atm, and I don't foresee any M related stuff happening juuust yet. But when it does (cough) Italy! (cough) (what? i said nothing) I will be sure to give a warning or to change the rating back again. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this latest instalment because it was one hell of a chapter to write :P man do I love writing this story. Almost as much as I love reviews... so don't forget to review :P. Also, don't hesitate to comment on something you would like to see in this story or something you think that would make it better, I really want you guys to enjoy this story so I would love to hear it. Okay, that's it guys... revieeeww :)_


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